Think about using your senses. Smell, taste, hear, feel, see.
Remember to use correct punctuation and spelling.
Remember to use similes, and adjectives.
Use correct sentences.
Going into a different planet
When i was going in my ship i went to this unknown planet called tree planet .It was strange that people are turn into tree people because they have a king. Which is called grout the most powerful being in the galaxy. That they could ever turn back they would have to kill the king or make him happy. But however if kill the king you will be turn into the next king. But if you want it to end you'll have to kill yourself after you kill the king but it’s risky until Samoan killed the king and himself so i left. And i always told everyone. The end.
Hello Katene.What a scary story! I am glad this is just a made up story.You have used your imagination well.I look at the picture and the trees do look like people.Maybe next time you could use more punctuation.Keep up the great ideas.
ReplyDeleteKia ora, I'm Jacob from Yaldhurst Model School. I really like this blog post about a different planet when I look at it it looks like a dead people. This story looks scary with the picture in it I enjoyed the part when you were talking about the story but in this story. It has no capital letter in it next time you should re cheek your story before putting it on here. But good job this is a question how long did it take you to make this story like how long did the teachers give you to write a story was it 20 min or more?
ReplyDeleteFrom Jacob.
Hi there Katene,
ReplyDeleteWow, that photo is giving me nightmares, looks like dead people. I like how creative your ideas are, a whole civilization of tree people! Also, killing the king and then killing yourself is a great idea for a story, seeing the character struggle to choose to kill themselves for everyone else.
This reminds me of a book that I've been reading called the Voyagers. It's about 4 kids traveling around the galaxy, collecting different elements to create a power source for earth because people are running out of energy for technology. SPOILER ALEART! The high school looking boy with the 4 kids was an alien and he's about 100 years old.
It's pretty good but to improve, you could: cheak your punctuation, use more of the 5 senses and make the story a bit longer. Maybe you could also make it into a more adventure story rather than informing the readers about how to kill the tree king. For example: you could start describing the scenery and then transition to the killing king part when the main character trails into their head, almost talking to themself in their own mind.
I hope that you've read this and learnt a few things. If you could extend the story, how would the story go? Hope to see your reply! (^-^)
P.S. If anyone else saw a comment from me and I've forgoted to write down where I'm from, tell them I'm from Yaldhurst. ●‿●
From Mika
Yaldhurst Model School
Link to blog: http://ymsmika.blogspot.com/
hi Mika's thank you for writing on my blog i really love your writing and it is awesome for you to right on my blog.
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